Introductions first.....

Well hello to you whoever you are, if in fact you are anyone. Far be it for me to assume that anyone will actually read my blog although I am addressing it to you in the hope there is a you and I suppose I do have to admit I am egotistical enough to expect that someone somewhere would be interested in me and my life.  Writing however, is deeply therapeutic for me and I do think that due to the lack of attention I believe I should have had as a child, I am constantly looking for attention elsewhere. How do I get it is the thing. I have been single since 2003 and so haven't had much attention from anyone as an adult either!! Has this contributed to the symptoms of my Bi-Polar disorder slowly worsening? Possibly. I have tried to fill my life up too much so I get attention from people around me but then I get overwhelmed and stressed which defeats the object. 

I digress. Currently I am 47 yrs. old and it is the start of a new year - again. I am still single, still fat, and still poor, still live in a house which needs a lot of work doing to it, still don’t have many friends and still have Bi-Polar. I would like to change this. Maybe I have to recognise I can’t change it all at once and start planning small steps. Is it worth it at my age, should I just accept my lot. Firstly I suppose I have to work out what I want to change things to, ha ha ha. Most of the time I don't believe I have achieved anything really worthwhile and it upsets me. I thought I would have done something really great by now. I don't mean becoming rich and famous or anything like that. I mean doing something that I enjoyed but at the same time I had to work for. I have done small things I am proud of which I will list at some point I think to remind myself I have done more than I give myself credit for. There it is, the problem in a nutshell. I know what I should be doing, shouldn’t be doing, am capable of doing, am not capable of doing, what I want to be doing and what I can realistically expect myself to be doing. I just want more!!!

So, thanks to you dear reader, (I will assume you are there) and wouldn’t it be amazing if there was at least one of you, I will use the attention you are bestowing upon me to make me feel better about myself and see what I can achieve this year in my mission to find a little more peace within than I currently have. Thank you for reading.